From behind one of the random clockwork machines against the walls of the lab, a hitherto unnoticed, very large door swung open.
There was a whirr-clunk, whirr-clunk, whirr-clunk, and more; the sound of giant clockwork footsteps. Along with this noise came a very tinny music box rendition of "The Ride of the Valkeries".
"I was going to save her for later," said Mr Cuckoo conversationally. "But now is as good a time as any to introduce Plan B."
Our three heroes looked on in awe, and not a little fear as a thing walked out of the opened door. It had to bend almost double to get under the doorframe.
It was a giant clockwork woman, patterned after the traditional stereotype of the big blonde Valkerie. She even came complete with a pair of long blonde braids and a horned helmet, all fashioned out of gleaming brass.
She stomped up to Mr Cuckoo and stopped, awaiting further instructions.
"Isn't she beautiful?" said Mr Cuckoo, reaching up as high as he could to pat one kneecap fondly. "My finest creation..."
Nics stole a quick glance at Barbra. Barbra's eyes were black and hard with hatred and jealousy. Her clockwork lion crawled closer to her face, as if to comfort her. Her tarantula was nowhere to be seen.
"Barbra," Mr Cuckoo snapped.
"Yes, Master?" she asked. If she hadn't been so impassive, it would have been through gritted teeth.
"Plan B, execute it now."
"Yes, Master." Stiffly she turned and walked to the other side of the lab, fiddling with something on one of the benches.
Jeremy was crouched down, looking at the shattered remains of the broken clockwork dragons. He sorted through the pieces, as if trying to find any salvageable parts, then gave up and stood up, dusting his hands. From the angle where Nics stood over the body of the young man, it looked like he'd rearranged the parts into a smiley face.
As he walked away one foot came down hard on a loose red jewel and smashed it to dust. Nics saw him do it, and a light came into her eyes.
Sam too was snuffling around the broken pieces of the clockwork dragons. He was getting close to the face, so Nics picked up a nearby large piece of random clockwork and threw it at him. It missed, but landed in the centre of the face, turning it from a recognizable pattern into a meaningless collection of junk once more.
The dog growled at her, and she stared back at it, like a sheriff waiting for the outlaw to draw first.
"Come any closer and I'll kick you. Try and bite me, and I'll break your teeth," she told him, levelly, adding "you traitorous cur" for good measure.
"Now, now," said Mr Cuckoo. "There's no call for that. Apologise."
The red gem on her collar flashed, and she forced the words out between gritted teeth.
"I'm sorry, Sam."
The contraption that Barbra was poking let out an almighty shrill whistle, which was cut off abruptly by the liberal application of a large wrench.
"Message sent," she told Mr Cuckoo, who was still patting the knee of his valkerie lovingly.
Spud and Chas had been having a quick conversation behind their bit of machinery, along the lines of:
"Oh shit! Now what?"
"You try and grab Nics, get that collar off somehow. I'll grab Cuckoo, once we've figured out what else plan B is," whispered Chas.
"What else could it be?!” gibbered Spud. “As if we didn’t have enough to deal with, what with the Valkerie and Jeremy and Barbra and the dragons and lion and tarantula!"
"Worry about them later!" hissed Chas. "Ready? Let's..."
But before he could finish, the machine that they were hiding behind got lifted up from above as easily as if it was made out of sticky backed plastic and yoghurt pots.
Chas and Spud didn't even have time to curse as the Valkerie grabbed both of them in one giant fist and carried them back to the centre of the lab.
"So glad you could join us, dear boys," Mr Cuckoo told them. "You're just in time for a rather interesting announcement.
Sure enough, the CCTV camera footage on the screens had changed, and was displaying a popular news channel with the sound off. For some reason they were showing pictures of pink plastic flamingos, but that was quickly cut off by a newsflash sign.
Mr Cuckoo turned the sound up as the familiar face of the United States president appeared on the screen.
"My fellow Americans!" he proclaimed loudly, as if he wasn't expecting that everyone would be able to hear him by way of the TV, and so had to compensate with added volume.
"Today marks a historic and monumentalastic occasion for our nation. For today is the day when I can finally reveal myself and my true master, Mr Cuckoo. Effective immediately, all powers, rights and privileges of the presidency of the United States are his in perpetuity and forever. Congress and the Senate will move into a period of disbandization and Mr Cuckoo will rule our great and glorious country from the position of dictator for life.
"I personally welcome him to the helm of our country, knowing that he will exceed all expectations in the role and work tirelessly to improve the glorificationization of our land. God bless America."
The rather stunned looking newsreader put one hand up to her ear.
"And, yes, we have managed to get in contact with the new leader of the United States, Mr Cuckoo."
A small picture appeared in the corner of the TV screen. It showed an extreme close-up of Mr Cuckoo's face, smiling benignly.
Chas looked down. The picture was coming from five of the dragons that were struggling to hold a full size video camera steady.
"Mr Cuckoo," said the newsreader. "Please let me be first to congratulate you on your ascension to the presidency. But I'm sure that there are many people out there who are stunned by this sudden turn of events, and a lot more who will view this as completely irregular. Some may even be prepared to take drastic action. What are your views on this?"
"Well," said Mr Cuckoo, "I appreciate that it will take time for people to get used to my rule, but I intend to make it as comfortable a changeover as possible. For instance, even though I am ruler of the United States for life, I don't expect the average citizen to start calling me master immediately, only within the first half hour or so. And I understand that this country has a number of fine citizens who will resist my appointment, but I will let them know now: Anyone who tried to overthrow or resist my absolute rule will be hunted down and killed in a very messy, painful and public manner."
He smiled reassuringly.
"But let me assure you, life in Cuckooland will be smooth and happy for those who agree to be bound by my every whim."
"I'm sorry," said the newsreader. "Cuckooland?"
"The name for our country, of course," he replied.
"Thank you very much, Mr Cuck... er, Master," said the newsreader, visibly flustered. "News is just coming in of the reaction on the streets to this sudden announcement."
Mr Cuckoo interrupted her, and said, almost offhandedly:
"Oh, before people jump to the conclusion that I'm just a random madman with no method of backing up my claim, let me reassure them. I'm a very focussed madman, and proof of my genius will shortly be terrorising downtown New York City. Have a pleasant afternoon."
One hand flicked, and the dragons dropped the TV camera onto the floor, breaking it. The little screen within a screen on the TV newscast fizzled into snow and the newsreader carried on.
"Our roving reporter Mick Fillip is interviewing people on the streets at the moment. Over to you, Mick."
The volume was muted as the newscast cut to a rather scruffy looking man holding a microphone. It was raining outside.
Mr Cuckoo turned to his Valkerie and told her:
"Activate plan delta."
She spun on one giant heel and walked towards the back of the lab, still clutching Chas and Spud in one fist.
"No!" cried Nics. "Chas! Spud! What are you going to do with them?!"
"Shake them until the second disk comes out. Then throw them in the river," ordered Mr Cuckoo.
There was a quiet crunch as the Valkerie took another step forward, and then stopped. Slowly and carefully she transferred Chas from one hand to the other. Then taking both lads, she dropped them both, caught them by the legs before they could bash their heads out on the ground and shook them vigorously.
Nics didn't even have time to scream as she saw them fall, then get caught again.
Onto the ground beneath them fell a vast array of stuff. From Spud's pockets fell half a dozen different lighters, a squashed banana, a half eaten Mars bar, a card for a pizza delivery firm, a few coins, a set of keys, a pencil, three pens, four shopping lists and a lock pick. By contrast Chas only dropped a wallet and a set of keys.
The valkerie shook them both again, harder this time. Spud moaned:
"I'm going to lose my teeth!"
At that same moment, the second mother-of-pearl disk was finally dislodged from Chas' pocket and fell towards the pile of stuff on the floor.
There was a brown streak across the concrete, and before the disk could hit the ground it was grabbed from the air by a mouse, which darted across the lab and into a hole in the wall.
Sam was after it, barking gleefully, but didn't manage to catch so much as a whisker.
Mission accomplished the Valkerie put the two men, still upside down, back in one hand. Slowly and methodically she began to climb up the wall.
Behind her, Barbra walked over to the pile of junk that had fallen from Spud's pockets. There was just the faintest hitch in her stride when she saw the crushed remains of her gold clockwork tarantula, pulverised underneath the Valkerie's massive foot.
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