(Vegetables) Chapter Thirty Nine: The Evil Plan Is Discovered, So Now What?

The smell of the CS4 drove them out of the lab and back to the pizza.

“Right,” said Richard. “I’ve got to take this to the boss. We’ve got to track down Mrs K and stop her, before her plan causes a mass vitamin C shortage.”

“Er,” said Rosa, who’d been watching the tv. “I think you might be a bit too late for that.”

Sure enough, the breaking news at that moment was all about the fact that the fruit and vegetable section of supermarkets all around the country were suffering from an unexplained and unprecedented increase in the rate of decomposition of their displayed fruit and veg.

A confused looking supermarket spokesperson was saying:

“Rest assured that we source all our fruit and vegetables from producers with the highest regard for food safety, and out quality control procedures ensure that only the best is delivered to our supermarkets.”

“If that’s the case,” interrupted the interviewer, “then why is it all rotting so quickly? In all the cases identified, the fruit and vegetables are fine one moment, then decomposed the next.”

“We are working with top food and plant scientists to determine the cause of this decomposition, and we will be able to renew our supplies very soon. It should be pointed out that frozen and tinned fruit and vegetables have not been affected at all, nor have the fresh fruit and vegetables which are wrapped up in plastic. And we will have this situation dealt with very quickly, let me assure you!”

“What do you say to those who claim that this is a marketing ploy to get the consumer to pay more for fresh produce?” asked the interviewer.

“We’re committed to providing the best possible quality food for the best possible price, and that it not going to change,” replied the spokesperson¹⁰³.

The news item continued with more talking heads of dubious relevance talking about the issue. Theories ranged from an unforeseen effect of genetic modification, to climate change, to pollution, to contamination by foreign substances (like beetles). Not one of these so-called experts even mentioned the word “rabbit” or “pigeon”.

Richard’s phone rang. He listened to it for a moment, then simply said “yes” and hung up.

“Sorry,” he said to the others. “Duty calls.”

“Right,” said Morwen. “Let’s get ourselves together. We need to find Mrs K, and her supplies of CS4, right?”

“Er….” Said Richard, looking apologetic. “Er… no. You need to stay here, where it’s safe.”

“Uh-oh,” said Rosa, looking from Morwen to Richard and back again.

Felindre grabbed another slice of pizza and slouched back in her chair, ready for the fireworks.

Morwen looked cross.

“Haven’t we been through this before?” she snapped. “I seem to remember it not going particularly well.”

Richard wore the expression of a man trapped between being gallant and following orders, and really not wanting to piss his girlfriend off.

“Are we under arrest?” Morwen demanded.

“No,” Richard replied meekly.

“Can we leave whenever we want?”

“Yes…”

“Well then, it’s settled,” said Morwen decisively. “We’re off to find Mrs K and thwart her evil plans. Even though we don’t really give a stuff about the supermarkets.”

“Oooh,” said Rosa. “Thwart. That’s a great word! Let’s do it!”¹⁰⁴

There was a popping sound, and a white rabbit with a piece of paper in its mouth materialised in the middle of the table, on top of the pizza. While everyone stared at it, it hopped off the pizza, lifted one foot, then another, stared at its cheesy and tomato-ey feet, and wrinkled its nose in disgust.

Richard was the first to move – running to the wall and slamming his hand against a large button.

The rabbit watched him, calmly twitching its nose.

Sissy broke the silence.

“Why has a rabbit appeared in the middle of the table? And why has the entire building gone into lockdown?”

The rabbit dropped the bit of paper on the table, lolloped over to a napkin, and started cleaning its feet.

“White rabbits are time travellers,” explained Richard. “We don’t know how, why, or what their agenda is, but they’re up to something.”

The rabbit looked at him¹⁰⁵, wrinkled its nose again, and hopped over to the piece of paper. It nudged it towards Rosa, staring expectantly at her until she picked it up. As soon as she had, there was another pop, and the rabbit disappeared.

Exactly at that moment, the door flew open to reveal an Agency rapid response¹⁰⁶ team.

“Stand down,” ordered Richard. “WR has left the building.”

He checked his watch. “And that’s been the longest sighting ever.”

The team stomped off, grumbling about paperwork.

Rosa read the paper.

“It’s an address,” she said. “But why would a time travelling rabbit give it to me?”

“Only one thing for it,” said Felindre, finishing her slice of pizza. “Let’s go and find out.”

___

¹⁰³ In other words, they had absolutely no idea what was going on.
¹⁰⁴ “And in other news, an old folks home in Glasgow suddenly experienced a sudden bout of sleepiness yesterday, when everyone in the home, staff and visitors included, suddenly fell asleep. Dubbed the “Sleeping Beauty syndrome” all the afflicted slept solidly for twenty four hours, and then woke up with no adverse effects. Sleep specialists are investigating further.”
¹⁰⁵ If rabbits could give disgusted looks, I’m sure this one would have.
¹⁰⁶ Not rapid enough in this case. One of them had their helmet on backwards.