(Vegetables) Chapter Thirty One: A Council Of War

Ruth had thirty four minutes worth of flapping around Daffyd and Morwen in the kitchen before Felindre and Rosa came in, giggling.

“Dance is finished,” announced Rosa grandly. “And it was a-mazing!”

Felindre noticed the mood in the room first, and sobered up instantly.

“What’s happened?” she asked.

“Rabbits,” said Morwen grimly. “Little sods jumped my Dad, tied him up and stole the Art and Science of Fruit and Veg book.”

“Have you got torches?” Felindre asked Daffyd. “They can’t have got far, the book’s bigger than any one rabbit.”

“They’ve had a couple of hours head start,” said Morwen, “and the farm’s full of fields and rabbit warrens. If they’ve gone to ground there’s no chance of finding them.”

“So what are we going to do?” asked Rosa, swaying slightly.

Daffyd answered. “Tonight, we’re going to go to bed. Tomorrow we’ll start looking, and we can ask around a bit. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. We’ll find the book, and the person who wanted it stolen.”

“And then,” said Ruth, fiercely, despite her tear stained face, “we’ll make them apologise.”



“Um,” said Rosa later that night when they’d all gone to bed and turned out the light. “Um, just to be devil’s thingummy, but the book only cost 99p right. Surely it doesn’t matter if it gets nicked?”

She didn’t sound too convincing.

Morwen, from her inflatable air mattress, took a while to answer.

“How much I bought it for isn’t the point,” she said. “The point is, someone stole it from me, and they hurt my Dad!”

She quietly started to cry, and Rosa shuffled out of the double bed to sit on the mattress next to her.

“Shush, shush,” she said, giving Morwen a hug. “I didn’t mean it, just had to say it, you know…”

Morwen hiccupped.

“Yeah, I know. But they made it personal now.”

Felindre spoke up then: “And besides, this book gives instructions on how to make magic food that controls people’s minds – it’s too dangerous for it to be in general circulation.”

“I’ll bet it’s that strange little old lady who’s nicked it,” said Rosa. “The one who was bothering you, Mor. I bet it was her that sent around the not-policeman too.”

“Who knows,” said Morwen, drying her eyes. “Thanks, both of you. Let’s get some sleep.”



At twenty three minutes past six the next morning, Morwen snuck down to the kitchen to find her father already there, sitting at the table, drinking tea.

“Morning love,” he said, “Can’t sleep?”

Morwen shook her head.

“Here, have some tea. I’m ok you know, no harm done,” he said.

“I know Dad, but it was just horrible, finding you there like that.”

“Well,” he said. “Let’s see what we can find out later on today.”



Fifty seven minutes later, Daffyd, Morwen, Felindre and Rosa were all crammed into Daffyd’s shed, and the scene of the rabbit-induced crime. They were doing something that involved chanting, and suspicious smoke and smells, and all electronic equipment had been evicted outside.

The shed door swung open to release a cloud of smoke and a coughing Rosa, followed by everyone else. They all stood glumly looking into the shed while the smoke dissipated.

“I don’t know why it’s not working,” said Daffyd plaintively. “With the three of you there, who have all cast with the book, in the place where it was stolen, we should be able to cast a location spell. It’s not like the rabbits can cast a blocking spell or anything!”

Morwen’s phone rang, loudly, with a clip of “Could this be magic?” She reached into her bag, which was propped against the side of the shed, to quiet the phone.

“Sorry!” she said.

“Infernal device⁸³,” said Daffyd. “It might be because it’s too close – it’s twisting the cast. Could you not leave it at the house?”

“Sorry Dad,” said Morwen again. “But I’m expecting a call. Sissy, show list of unanswered calls.”

It was an unknown number again.

“I hate unknown numbers, and there’s a special circle of hell reserved for those who have unlisted numbers and refuse to leave messages,” Morwen said. “Now, why won’t this blasted spell work? It’s got all three of us who made the cakes. They worked fine!”

“Too bloody well, if you asked me,” said Felindre.

“Hang on,” said Rosa. “It wasn’t just the three of us though, was it? Richard was there too. Maybe we need him?”

All three young women turned to look at Daffyd, who looked puzzled.

“Maybe,” he said slowly. “If you’re actually a quartet rather than a trio, and you’re missing a member – that might explain why things aren’t working here now.”

“But Richard?” queried Rosa. “He’s not exactly a mystic, doesn’t he build stuff and work with computers?”

“If believing in mumbo jumbo is what’s required to be a witch,” replied Felindre, “then I’ve no business being one either. Not that I’m convinced I am!”

“But Richard?” said Rosa again.

“I’d better give him a call,” said Morwen. She looked at her phone. “Hang on, I’ve lost the signal. Sissy, what’s going on?”

“You don’t need Richard as your fourth,” Sissy replied. “You need me.”

Everyone stared at Morwen’s phone for a few moments⁸⁴.

Morwen was the first to respond, with a very articulate “What?!”

“You heard me,” Sissy replied. “Richard’s not your fourth, I am. And I’ll prove it. Take me into the shed and do the spell again. With me there, it’ll work.”

And it did, this time without the clouds of smoke.

“Well,” said Daffyd, “I’ve never heard of this before. A quartet of witches, where one member is a mobile phone.”

“A mobile phone that was hit by lightning,” pointed Rosa out helpfully.

“Yes, but still a pile of integrated circuits,” said Felindre.

“Oi, less of that,” said Sissy. “I don’t go around calling you squishy bags of mostly water, do I? Anyway, I’m not just a mobile phone. I’m a Slightly Impudent Supernatural Entity.”

“You know, it does explain a lot,” mused Morwen.

All five of them stared at the image that had been revealed in the water held in a plastic bucket in the middle of the shed.

“Still, this spell’s not exactly showing anything particularly helpful,” said Morwen. “Is that an empty rabbit hutch?”

“Not with the wheel in the back. Probably a guinea pig hutch,” said Rosa.

“It doesn’t exactly help with finding the book though, does it?” Felindre said.

“Someone’s coming!” said Daffyd.

Sure enough, a shadow had fallen on the hutch, and slowly the caster of said shadow came into the frame of the bucket. It was a little old lady with a cane⁸⁵, who abruptly turned and stared out of the bucket-frame, eyes darting this way and that.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” she carolled croakily. “I know you’re watching!”

Rosa jumped and knocked the bucket. The water spilled out over the floor and the image disappeared.

“No surprise there then,” said Felindre, artfully dodging the puddle of water as it spread towards her feet.

“Mrs K,” said Morwen grimly. “Next question, how do we find her?”

“Leave it to me,” said Sissy.

“And just how are you going to do that?” asked Daffyd dubiously as he dropped some old newspapers on the spreading puddle to soak up the water.

“There’s this amazing new invention,” replied Sissy. “It’s called the Internet. And lucky me, I’m connected to it all the time!”

___


⁸³ Close, but not quite.
⁸⁴ Really? Was it that surprising? Some people have no imaginations.
⁸⁵ A cane with a silver handle looking suspiciously like a cucumber.