Monday, 27 April 2020

(Vegetables) Chapter Eighteen: I Wouldn’t Want To Get On The Wrong Side Of Felindre, Would You?



Felindre and Richard insisted on showing the not-policeman to the door, which they closed firmly with them and him on the street side.

When they opened it, several minutes later, the young man could be seen limping quickly down the road, and Felindre and Richard had obviously come to some sort of accord. Felindre in particular looked happier than she had since the whole middle of the night shenanigans had kicked off.

Richard looked happier too, until he saw the look that Morwen was giving him.

“Uh oh,” muttered Rosa. “She’s giving him The Look. Come on Fel, let’s go back to bed.”

And she pulled Felindre up the stairs, but not before Felindre said to Morwen:

“Go easy on him – he did turn up in the middle of the night to stop us getting burgled.”

There was another long moment of Morwen glaring at Richard.52

“Um,” said Richard. “I suppose I’d better be getting home and let you get back to bed.”

“Not so fast, mate,” said Morwen. “You’ve got some explaining to do. Like how you knew to come here, just in time.”

“I told you,” he said, exasperatedly. “You rang me.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, ok, I didn’t pick up in time and you didn’t leave a message, but you did text afterwards. Here.”

He showed her his phone, with the message from her number saying “Come quick – urgent!!!”

“I didn’t send that – I was asleep!”

“Well, who did then?”

“Sissy!”

“Yes, Morwen?” Sissy replied.

“Did you text Richard to tell him to come here?” Morwen asked.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” Sissy replied.

“Nevermind,” sighed Morwen. “Go to sleep.”

“I still think you should get a new phone,” said Richard. “Still, it all worked out, didn’t it? If the message hadn’t shown up, then you would have been burgled – or worse.”

Morwen rubbed her face with her hands.

“It’s too early for this,” she said tiredly.

“Goodnight then,” said Richard, and he reached for the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked him.

“Um, home?”

“Don’t think about it – you still have a lot of questions to answer. In the morning. Well, later in the morning. Come on.”

And she held out her hand and led him up the stairs.




A few hours later, just as the sun was rising, Richard came downstairs for a glass of water. He saw Morwen’s phone, lying on the table.

“So,” he said, “does this mean we have a truce?”

“Don’t bet on it, buster,” replied Sissy. “Come near me and I’ll zap you so hard your cogs will melt.”

“Then why call me to help? Why not Tom?”

“Because when a dodgy character is breaking into your home, it’s best to call another dodgy character to sort them out. Besides, Tom’s already helped out once already. He’s sweet, but he hasn’t really got that killer instinct.”

“As says all of his appraisals for the past three years,” muttered Richard.

“What was that?” asked Sissy.

“Nothing,” said Richard louder.

There was another moment of silence, broken only by sleepy clucks from the back garden.

“I’ll make you a promise,” said Sissy. “If you hurt Morwen, I’ll make damn sure that you can never do anything electronic ever again. AND you’ll have to spent the rest of your life wearing thick rubber-soled shoes every time you set foot out of doors.”

Richard did not look happy.

“Fine,” said Richard, in tones that suggested anything but. “We understand each other.

“I’ll make you a promise too,” he continued. “If you hurt Morwen, I swear I will come after you, earth you good and proper and have at you with a set of exceptionally large pliers. Then, when I’ve dismantled you, I’ll put you back together as a talking doll, and drop you off at the nearest nursery school.”

There was a ping, and Richard ducked, faster than any normal person could manage, as a jam jar on the countertop shattered. Richard wheeled to see Felindre, with slingshot armed and pointed at him.

“Careful,” he said. “Morwen will kill you if you damage any of her plants.”

“I’m a very good shot,” she said conversationally. “I heard voices so I came to find out what was going on. And overheard a very interesting conversation. Were you really threatening Morwen’s phone?”

“Sissy started it.”

Felindre blinked, confused.

“Sissy, were you threatening Richard?”

“I’m sorry,” said Sissy. “I don’t understand.”

“Were you threatening Richard with dire consequences if he did something nasty to Morwen?”

“I’m sorry,” said Sissy. “I don’t understand.”

“Stupid piece of rubbish,” muttered Richard. “Definitely a few transistors short of a circuit.”53

He stared at the phone, as if daring it to say or do something. When it didn’t, he turned to Felindre.

“Can I go back to bed now, or are you going to threaten to do nasty things to me if I hurt Morwen too?”

“I don’t need to threaten,” replied Felindre.

Richard looked at her for a long moment.

“No,” he said slowly. “You don’t do you?”

Felindre smiled, and lowered the slingshot.
___
52 Honestly, you’d think that they’d be better at conversation by now.
53 Which was just plain rude.

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